95 of the Best James Bond 007 Puns, Jokes, Quotes, and One-Liners

007 James Bond puns, quotes and one liners

Dr. No Puns, Quotes, and One-Liners

Dr. No Puns and One Liners
Honey Ryder: Are you looking for shells?
James Bond: No. I’m just looking.

 

Dr. No Puns and One Liners
James Bond: I think they were on their way to a funeral

 

From Russia With Love Puns, Quotes, and One-Liners

From Russia With Love Puns and One Liners
Tatiana Romanova: I think my mouth is too big
James Bond: No, it’s the right size … for me, that is

 

From Russia With Love Puns and One Liners
Tatiana Romanova: Horrible woman!
James Bond: She’s had her kicks

 

Goldfinger Puns, Quotes, and One-Liners

Goldfinger puns and one liners
Felix Leiter: Where’s your butler friend?
James Bond: Oh, he blew a fuse

 

Goldfinger puns and one liners
James Bond: Shocking. Positively shocking.

 

Goldfinger puns and one liners
Pussy Galore: Where’s Goldfinger?
James Bond: Playing his golden harp.

 

Goldfinger puns and one liners
Pussy Galore: My name is Pussy Galore
James Bond: I must be dreaming

 

Goldfinger puns and one liners
James Bond: Manners Oddjob. I thought you always take your hat off for a lady.

Thunderball Puns, Quotes, and One-Liners

Thunderball Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: Don’t worry. I’ll tell the chef.

 

Thunderball Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: Do you mind if my friend sits this one out? She’s just dead.

 

Thunderball Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: I think he got the point.

 

Thunderball Puns and One-Liners
Domino: What sharp little eyes you’ve got
James Bond: Just wait till you get to my teeth

You Only Live Twice Puns, Quotes, and One-Liners

You Only Live Twice Puns
Tanaka: You know what it is about you that fascinates them, don’t you? Its the hair on your chest. Japanese men all have beautiful bare skin.
James Bond: Japanese proverb say, “bird never make nest in bare tree.”

 

You Only Live Twice Puns and One-Liners
Tiger: It can save your life, this cigarette
James Bond: You sound like a commercial

 

You Only Live Twice Puns
Tanaka: In Japan, men cone first, women come second.
James Bond: I just may retire here.

 

You Only Live Twice Puns
James Bond: Oh the things I do for England

 

You Only Live Twice Puns
Helga Brandt: I’ve got you now
James Bond: Well, enjoy yourself

 

You Only Live Twice Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: Bon appetit

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service Puns, Quotes, and One-Liners

On Her Majesty's Secret Service Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: This never happened to the other fella

 

On Her Majesty's Secret Service Puns and One-Liners
Irma Bunt: Is anything the matter, Sir Hillary?
James Bond: Just a slight stiffness coming on.

 

On Her Majesty's Secret Service Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: He had a lot of guts

 

On Her Majesty's Secret Service Puns and One-Liners
Tracy: Suppose I were to kill you – just for a thrill
James Bond: I can think of something more sociable to do

Diamonds Are Forever Puns, Quotes, and One-Liners

Diamonds are Forever puns and one-liners
James Bond: There’s something I’d like you to get off your chest

 

Diamonds are Forever puns and one-liners
James Bond: Well he certainly left with his tail between his legs

 

Diamonds are Forever puns and one-liners
Plenty: Hi. I’m Plenty
James Bond: But of course you are.
Plenty: Plenty O’Toole
James Bond: Named after your father, perhaps?

 

Diamonds are Forever puns and one-liners
James Bond: As long as the collars and cuffs match

 

Diamonds are Forever puns and one-liners
James Bond: I was out walking my rat and I seem to have lost my way

Live & Let Die Puns, Quotes, and One-Liners

Live & Let Die Puns and One-Liners
Miss Caruso: Such a delicate touch
James Bond: Sheer magnetism, darling

 

Live & Let Die Puns and One-Liners
Solitaire: Is there time before we go, for lesson number three?
James Bond: Absolutely. There’s no sense in going off half-cocked.

 

Live & Let Die Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: Just being disarming, darling

The Man With the Golden Gun Puns, Quotes, and One-Liners

The Man With the Golden Gun and One-Liners
James Bond: Speak now or forever hold your piece

 

The Man with the Golden Gun Puns and One-Liners
Saida: I’ve lost my charm
James Bond: Not from where I’m standing

 

The Man with the Golden Gun Puns and One-Liners
Goodnight: I’ll keep the wine properly chilled
James Bond: And everything else warm, I trust?

The Spy Who Loved Me Puns, Quotes, and One-Liners

The Spy Who Loved Me Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: When one is in Egypt, one should delve deeply into its treasures

 

The Spy Who Loved Me Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: Keeping the British end up

 

The Spy Who Loved Me Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: All those feathers and he still can’t fly

Moonraker Puns, Quotes, and One-Liners

Moonraker Puns and One-Liners
Drax: Why did you break up the encounter with my pet python?
James Bond: I discovered it had a crush on me.

 

Moonraker Puns and One-Liners
Drax: Desolated, Mr Bond
James Bond: Heartbroken, Mr. Drax

 

Moonraker Puns and One-Liners
Q: I think he’s attempting reentry

For Your Eyes Only Puns, Quotes, and One-Liners

For Your Eyes Only Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: Forgive me father, for I have sinned
Q: That’s putting it mildly, 007

 

For Your Eyes Only Puns and One-Liners
Bibi: That’s a laugh. He still thinks I’m a virgin
James Bond: Well, put your clothes on. I’ll buy you an ice cream.

Octopussy Puns, Quotes, and One-Liners

Octopussy Puns and One-Liners
Magda: He suggests a trade. The egg for your life
James Bond: Well, I heard the price of eggs was up … but isn’t that a little high?

 

Octopussy puns and one liners
Kamal Kahn: You have a nasty habit of surviving
James Bond: You know what they say about the fittest

 

Octopussy puns and one liners
Magda: You have a very good memory for faces
James Bond: And figures

 

Octopussy puns and one liners
Magda: It’s for my scrapbook. I collect memories
James Bond: Well, let’s get on with making a few new ones

Never Say Never Again Puns, Quotes, and One-Liners

Never Say Never Again Puns and One-Liners
Fatima Blush: How reckless of me. I made you all wet.
James Bond: Yes, but my martini is still dry.

 

Never Say Never Again puns quotes and one liners
Largo: Do you lose as gracefully as you win?
James Bond: I don’t know. I’ve never lost.

 

Never Say Never Again puns quotes and one liners
Nurse: I need a urine sample
James Bond: From here?

 

Never Say Never Again puns quotes and one liners
Fatima Blush:Now write this: “The greatest rapture of my life was afforded me on a boat in Nassau by Fatima Blush,” and sign it “James Bond, 007.”
James Bond: I just remembered. It’s against Service policy to give endorsements.

A View to a Kill Puns, Quotes, and One-Liners

A View to a Kill Puns and One-Liners
Jenny Flex: I love an early morning ride
James Bond: Well, I’m an early riser myself

 

A View to a Kill Puns and One-Liners
May Day: Someone will take care of you
James Bond: Oh, you’ll see to that personally?

 

A View to a Kill Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: There’s a fly in his soup

 

A View to a Kill Puns and One-Liners
Zorin: You slept well?
James Bond: A little restless but I got off eventually.

 

A View to a Kill Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: Don’t worry. It’s all wrapped up.

The Living Daylights Puns, Quotes, and One-Liners

The Living Daylights Puns and One-Liners
Kara Milovy: What happened to Necros?
James Bond: He got the boot.

 

The Living Daylights Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: We have an old saying too, Georgi – and you’re full of it

 

The Living Daylights Puns and One-Liners
Kara Milovy: What happened?
James Bond: Salt corrosion

 

The Living Daylights Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: He met his Waterloo

License to Kill Puns, Quotes, and One-Liners

License to Kill Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: Looks like he came to a dead end

 

License to Kill Puns and One Liners and Quotes
James Bond: Pam, this is Q – my uncle. Q, this is Miss Kennedy, my cousin.
Q: Ah! We must be related.

 

License to Kill Puns and One Liners and Quotes
Perez: What about the money?
Sanchez: Launder it

 

License to Kill Puns and One-Liners
He disagreed with something that ate him

GoldenEye Puns, Quotes, and One-Liners

GoldenEye Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: No, no no. No more foreplay.

 

GoldenEye Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: One rises to meet a challenge

 

GoldenEye Puns and One-Liners
Natalya: Do you know how to disarm the weapon?
James Bond: I suppose that depends on what kind of weapon you’re talking about disarming.

 

GoldenEye Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: Beg your pardon. I forgot to knock.

 

GoldenEye Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: She always did enjoy a good squeeze

Tomorrow Never Dies Puns, Quotes, and One-Liners

Tomorrow Never Dies Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: I’m just up here at Oxford brushing up on a little Danish

 

Tomorrow Never Dies Puns and One-Liners
Moneypenny: You always were a cunning linguist

 

Tomorrow Never Dies Puns and One-Liners
M: Remind her. Then pump her for information.
Moneypenny: You’ll just have to decide how much pumping is needed, James.

 

Tomorrow Never Dies Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: Backseat driver

 

Tomorrow Never Dies Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: They’ll print anything these days

The World is Not Enough Puns, Quotes, and One-Liners

The World is Not Enough Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: I thought Christmas only came once a year!

 

The World is Not Enough Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: If you can’t trust a Swiss banker, what’s the world come to?

 

The World is Not Enough Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: If you’re Q, does that make him R?

 

The World is Not Enough Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: One last screw?

Die Another Day Puns, Quotes, and One-Liners

Die Another Day Puns and One-Liners
Mr. Kill: I’m Mr. Kill
James Bond: That’s a name to die for

 

Die Another Day Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: Time to face gravity

 

Die Another Day Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: Saved by the bell

 

Die Another Day Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: I’ve missed your sparkling personality

 

Die Another Day Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: You know you’re cleverer than you look
R: Still, better than looking cleverer than you are.

 

Die Another Day Puns and One-Liners
Verity: I see you handle your weapon well
James Bond: I’ve been known to keep my tip up

Casino Royale Puns, Quotes, and One-Liners

Casino Royale Puns and One-Liners
Vesper: I’m the money
James Bond: Every penny of it

 

Casino Royale Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: That last hand nearly killed me

 

Casino Royale Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: The whole world’s gonna know that you died scratching my balls

Quantum of Solace Puns, Quotes, and One-Liners

Quantum of Solace puns and one liners
Mathis: I think she has handcuffs
James Bond: You hope so

 

Quantum of Solace puns and one liners
Felix Leiter: Regimes change once a week down here. Medrano is no dirtier than the next guy.
James Bond: Ah, you see that’s what I like about U.S. intelligence. You’ll lie down with anybody.

Skyfall Puns, Quotes, and One-Liners

Skyfall puns and one liners
Sylvia: What has she done to you?
James Bond: Well, she never tied me to a chair

 

Skyfall puns and one liners
Q: Every now and then a trigger has to be pulled
James Bond: Or not pulled. It’s hard to know which in your pajamas.

 

Skyfall puns and one liners
M: Where have you been?
James Bond: Enjoying death.

SPECTRE Puns, Quotes, and One-Liners

SPECTRE Puns and One-Liners
Madeline Swann: Given the choice, why does a man choose the life of an assassin?
James Bond: Well, it was that or the priesthood.

 

SPECTRE Puns and One-Liners
Lucia: What do you do?
James Bond: Life insurance

 

SPECTRE Puns and One-Liners
Madeline Swann: Do you drink?
James Bond: Too much

 

SPECTRE Puns and One-Liners
James Bond: Visionaries … psychiatric wards are full of them

 

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What sharp little eyes you’ve got.

Just wait ’till you get to my teeth.


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