For Your Special Place Only

A James Bond story / screenplay by Robert Lee

January 1999

 

Part 1 of 7

The camera displays a sunset in the Hawaiian islands.  Night is

falling.  The stars are coming out.  James Bond drives his vehicle into

the parking lot of a marine research station.  In the passenger seat, is

a beautiful woman, Nicole.

 

Bond and Nicole get out of the car.  Bond pulls a briefcase out of the

trunk.  They go inside, and meet a gang of very unsavoury looking

thugs.  Nicole approaches the ringleader and reminds him of the deal

they made.  The gang has a stolen ATAC transmitter for sale.  She has

brought somebody to buy the ATAC, and now she wants the commission that

they promised her.

 

The ringleader snickers, saying that Nicole has outlived her contract.

He shoots her dead.   It is a double cross.  They point their guns at

James Bond.  They take his money, and they take his weapon.  The

ringleader examines 007’s handgun.  "Walther PPK.  Standard issue

British Secret Service.  License to kill, or be killed."

 

The ringleader brags how he intends to keep Bond’s money.  Then the gang

will go to another rendezvous point, where they will genuinely sell this

top secret equipment to the Red Chinese.

 

Bond asks the ringleader why they are doing all this.  The ringleader

can explain that he really hates the British.  His parents were

Cossacks.  At the end of the second World War, the Cossacks offered

their services to the British, expecting to fight the Communists.

However, the British betrayed them, by sending them all back to Russia,

whereupon the Soviets executed them.

 

Bond sullenly admits, "Not exactly our finest hour."

 

The ringleader sneers good-bye, saying that it has a welcome ring of

permanence about it.   He orders a couple of his thugs to take Bond into

the other room, and feed him to the shark.  Two thugs take him into the

other room.  They open up a trap door, revealing a vicious shark

swimming underneath.

 

They are just about to throw him in, but Bond strikes back.  He kills

one thug right away.  Then he struggles with the other one.  He pushes

the other thug to the edge of the trap door.

 

The thug almost falls into the shark infested waters.  He manages to

save himself by frantically grabbing a chain and hook directly above the

trap door.  As the thug dangles there, he reminds Bond of the briefcase

on the floor, with the money inside it.  The thug offers to split the

money with Bond, provided 007 helps him out of this predicament.  Bond

is seething that they killed Nicole. He picks up the briefcase, and

says, "No.  You earned it.  You keep it!"

 

Then 007 throws the money at the thug.  He falls in, and the shark eats

him.  Bond looks for the rest of the gang, but they have already left

for the new meeting place.  Bond races there.  He sees that the Red

Chinese have not shown up yet.  James Bond engages in a blazing gun

battle with the gang.  He kills them all.  When the dust settles, and

the smoke clears, James Bond is victorious.  He has recovered the ATAC.

 

Just then, the Red Chinese agents show up, armed to the teeth.  Leading

them, is M’s counterpart, a very overweight Oriental woman, named

General Ling.   They point their guns at 007.   General Ling tells her

people not to shoot, because they might hit the ATAC.  She shouts an

ultimatum to Bond: hand over the ATAC, and become a rich man, or else

become a poor dead one.

 

Thinking quickly, Bond grabs a pen from his vest pocket.  This is a

special Q branch pen that also happens to be a grenade.  He activates

the grenade, shoves it into the ATAC, and slides them both into a

corner.  The grenade blows up and destroys the ATAC.

 

Then 007 says "That’s détente, Comrade.  You don’t have it.  I don’t

have it."

 

General Ling initially shows some anger, but then she shrugs.  She

orders her people to leave.  As they depart, she says in a bemused

voice, "The pen is mightier than the sword."

 

James Bond can reply with, "The writing is on the wall."

 

Fade to black.  Display titles, credits, disclaimers, to a title song by

U2.  This time, do not display dancing shadows of naked women.  Have a

young, beautiful Oriental woman, such as Michelle Yeoh, perform some

martial arts maneuvers.   First practice unarmed combat, then practice

with a wide variety of traditional weapons.  She can finish by holding a

sword in one hand, and holding a pen in the other hand.

 

Part 2 of 7

The white circle expands, it shows a hotel in Hawaii.  James Bond has

completed his mission.  His plane leaves for London the next morning, so

he decides to go back to his hotel room for a good night’s sleep.  Just

as he is about to enter his room, he hears some tapping from within.

 

Bond suspects trouble.  He pulls out his gun, quickly opens the door,

and aims his weapon inside the room.  Inside, is Sylvia Trench, scantily

dressed, playing golf with a golf putter.

 

Bond asks Sylvia how she got into his room.  She brags about her fame as

an Olympic skater, "One of the porters is a fan of mine.  He’ll do

anything for me, and I’ll do anything for you."

 

Bond relaxes, enters the room, and smiles, "Let’s just stay undercover,

shall we?"

 

They engage in some hot and heavy sex.  Afterwards, Sylvia complains

that Bond was called away on a mission, just when they were about to get

physical.  That left her very depressed.  Whenever she feels sad,

lonely, or stressed out, there is a special place that she goes to.  Her

special place is the Shrublands Health Spa.  She just went there, and

received her favourite treatment, an herbal enema.  That gave her the

inspiration to follow Bond to Hawaii.

 

Sylvia asks him if there is a special place that he goes to.  Bond

replies that there is.  Whenever things seem their darkest, he always

goes his special place, the White Cliffs of Dover.  Going there always

makes him feel better.

 

The next morning, Bond flies back to London, to report to headquarters.

James Bond engages in his usual small talk with Moneypenny, but then he

does something completely out of character.  He vomits all over her

desk.  Then he passes out.  Moneypenny calls for assistance and medics

take Bond to a hospital.

 

Part 3 of 7

Bond wakes up in a hospital bed.  M and Bill Tanner are there.  The

prognosis is very, very grim.  Somehow, somebody injected Bond with a

radioactive poison.  There is no known antidote.  He has maybe seven

days to live.  Tanner offers his sympathies, but he says, "In our line

of work, people do get killed."

 

M and Bill Tanner leave.  In the vehicle, M tells Tanner that she fears

whoever poisoned 007 might demand state secrets in exchange for the

antidote.  James Bond has become a huge security risk.  She wants him

locked up and tied down.

 

Back at the hospital, Bond gets dressed.  Two British agents arrive,

supposedly to take him to a more suitable location.  Bond realizes what

M has in mind.  However, he decides that he needs his freedom.

Therefore, he punches out the agents and makes a quick getaway.

 

Back at headquarters, M receives a phone call, informing her that Bond

escaped. She notifies the entire British Secret Service that James Bond

has become a rogue agent.  The standing orders are to bring him in, dead

or alive.

 

Part 4 of 7

Bond has a good idea who might have poisoned him.  He thinks back of his

last assignment, where he foiled the Red Chinese in their efforts to

acquire an ATAC.  He tracks down M’s counterpart with the Red Chinese.

She is on a trade mission to Shanghai, so Bond ambushes her there.  As

she enters her hotel room, carrying flowers, Bond confronts her.  He

points a gun at her head, and sneers, "You should have brought lilies."

 

She realizes that Bond is there to kill her.  She asks why, and Bond

replies that somebody poisoned a fellow agent with an incurable

radioactive poison.  General Ling shrugs, "My condolences.  We had

nothing to do with it."

 

Bond interrogates her some more.  She continues to deny all

responsibility, pleading, "You are professional.  You do not kill

without reason."

 

Bond determines that she is not responsible for the poisoning.  He

realizes that she is tough and resourceful, but she is not psychotic.

Just then, a bodyguard enters the room.  Bond disarms him and knocks him

out.  Bond decides that it is time to leave.  As he does, she lights up

a cigarette.  Bond snaps "Filthy habit."

 

James Bond shoots the cigarette it right out of her mouth, without

harming her.  Bond then explains that she is so fat, the challenge for

007 is to miss the rest of her.  Then, Bond makes a quick getaway.  More

bodyguards pour into her hotel room.  They ask what happened.  General

Ling sighs, "For once in my life, I am glad that 007 is a good shot."

 

Part 5 of 7

Bond might be a fugitive, wanted by his own people, but he knows that

there are two people who would never turn him in: Moneypenny and Q.

Bond contacts them.  They still have not found a cure.  They provide 007

with some weapons, money, phony ids, and another lead: Drax Industries.

 

That company had some severe legal problems some years ago, specifically

with their Moonraker program.  However, the new management, led by

Heather Drax, has stayed out of any illegal activities since then.

Nevertheless, Drax Industries does have the funds and technology to

create such a poison.

 

Late at night, Bond does some bungee jumping to sneak into their

corporate headquarters in California.  He works his way towards the

company president’s office.  Unknown to him, his every move is being

monitored by hidden cameras.  The company president recognizes his face

on the screen, so she tells her security forces not to get in his way.

Bond enters her office.  She cheerfully greets him, "Good evening!"

 

She says that she recognizes him as an agent of the British Secret

Service, with a license to kill.  She asks, "Am I to be your target for

tonight?"

 

Bond replies that depends on what she can tell him about radioactive

poisons, and why somebody would infect a British government employee

with one.  She replies that she knows nothing about that.  What she does

know, is that he is James Bond of the British Secret Service, and that

he killed her father.  She has been hoping that fate would bring them

together.  Bond remembers how he terminated her father.  He asks, "To

avenge him?"

 

She replies no, she has always wanted to thank Bond, for giving Hugo

Drax a quick death, so that she could take over the company.  She never

really shared her father’s insane views.  She believes that there would

be a place for Bond in the new Drax Industries.  She even offers him a

job, claiming, "We’re two of a kind."

 

Bond responds, "That’s a rather sweeping statement, considering that

we’ve never met."

 

Bond declines the job offer.  In fact, he gets into a minor shouting

match about ideologies.  However, the verbal sparring arouses them.

They wind in a private bedroom in her office.

 

While the camera shows an exterior shot of the building, we hear Heather

gasping, "James!  There’s more to you than I imagined!"

 

The next morning, Bond phones Moneypenny.  She informs 007 that they

have not found a cure, yet.  Their computers are working extensively on

it, but it will take months, maybe even years.

 

Bond informs Moneypenny that Drax Industries is not responsible.  He

understands that he is running out of time, so he says his final

farewell to Moneypenny.  He says that she is better than a computer, in

all sorts of ways.  His only regret in life is that he never made good

on all his innuendoes to her.  He makes a request.  When his corpse

turns up, "Make sure they send me home first class."

 

He entrusts Moneypenny to handle all the details of his memorial

service.  However, he advises her, "I’ve always hated martial music."

 

Bond hangs up.  He makes a decision where he would like to die.  He

leaves California, and goes back to England.  He wants to go back to his

special place, the White Cliffs of Dover.

 

Part 6 of 7

Bond arrives at the White Cliffs of Dover, resigned to his fate.  Sylvia

Trench finds him there.  She babbles how nobody seems to know where he

is, but she remembered what he said about the White Cliffs of Dover.

She is actually quite distraught, and begs for his help.

 

Bond asks what is the matter.  She explains that for months, her former

husband, Napoleon Soh Long, has been stalking her, and threatening her.

He happens to be a Nobel prize winner in medicine.  He has vast

resources at his disposal, with which he has created a special

radioactive poison.

 

Just before she left to meet Bond in Hawaii, her ex-husband secretly

poisoned her at Shrublands.  That enema was radioactive.  He will give

her the antidote only if she remarries him.

 

Bond informs Sylvia that she infected him with the same poison.  Sylvia

wonders how that could have happened.  Bond deduces, "That depends on

your definition of safe sex."

 

For an experienced secret agent like James Bond, it is quite easy to

break into Napoleon’s yacht, sneak into his on board laboratory, grab

samples of the antidote, and even copy the formula from the computer.

 

James Bond applies the antidote to himself and Sylvia.  It works.  That

takes care of  the poison.  He says to her, "That’s détente, comrade.

You don’t have it.  I don’t have it."

 

Part 7 of 7

Just to be on the safe side, Bond sends Heather Drax the formula for the

antidote.  However, there is one more loose end to take care of.  Bond

decides that it is high time to settle things with Napoleon.  They drive

to the harbour where the yacht is docked.  Bond tells Sylvia to wait in

the car while he has a word with her former husband.

 

In this case, diplomacy does not work.  Napoleon and Bond get into a

fight.  Napoleon is extremely fast and strong, because he injected

himself with all sorts of steroids.  The fight moves into the lab.  As

they struggle, assorted chemicals spill; lab equipment breaks; glass

shatters.

 

Napoleon gets his hands around 007’s neck.  James Bond tries, but he

simply cannot break Napoleon’s stranglehold.  In desperation, Bond

reaches for a container that holds some really dangerous looking

liquid.  He throws the liquid into Napoleon’s face.  Napoleon clutches

his face, screams in pain, and falls down on some very long, sharp,

broken glass.  The glass impales him.

 

Bond takes a look at the label on the container.  It is a urine sample.

Bond says,  "You forgot the first rule about divorce.  Give the spouses

what they want!"

 

Just then, some Red Chinese agents appear.  They point their weapons at

Bond and Napoleon.  General Ling appears.  Bond asks her why she is

here.  The General says that Napoleon is, or rather, was a deep cover

operative for Red China.  She elaborates that they had spent a lot of

time and a lot of money to develop a special radioactive poison.

 

This poison was supposed to be a secret.  Yet somehow, Drax Industries

managed to provide a cure for their company president.  This came as a

real surprise to the General, since she did not authorize anybody to use

this poison.  She glares menacingly at Napoleon’s corpse.

 

Bond explains, "He met his Waterloo."

 

She arrived here to arrest Napoleon.  He used the poison for personal

gain.  He misused government resources, and that has compromised The

People’s Republic of China.  She orders her agents, "Send him back to

Bejing, in the diplomatic pouch!"

 

She turns to Bond, smiling, "It appears that I owe you one, Bond."

 

Bond leaves the boat.  As he gets back into the car,  Sylvia asks where

is Napoleon.  Bond  replies, "Playing his radioactive harp."

 

Sylvia sighs, "Well, he always did have an inflated opinion of himself."

 

They go back to her apartment.  Sylvia goes to prepare some drinks.

Bond realizes that it is now safe for him to report to headquarters.

Bond picks up a telephone, dials in, and says, "Mission control, 007

here.  I will report in one hour."

 

Sylvia comes up to him, carrying the drinks.  She is totally naked, and

smiles at him invitingly.  Bond then speaks into the telephone, "Better

make that two hours."

 

********************

James Bond will return.